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The Raptors had their fun

What’s good: The Toronto Raptors are the NBA’s defending champions, which means a new benchmark for Canadian basketball prosperity, which means America’s Hat no longer has to pretend Vince Carter didn’t whine his way out of Toronto after seven years and two playoff appearances.

What’s, frankly, remarkable: The Toronto Raptors are the NBA’s defending champions.

What still doesn’t seem real: The Toronto Raptors are the NBA’s defending champions.

What’s inevitable: A rapid, ugly decline. We hope you Canadians had a nice summer celebrating your first NBA championship, because it’s going to be a hogged stone (that’s a curling term) from here. First off, your president isn’t squeaky clean, either, so don’t go all righteous on us, even if your 26-year-old unemployed population doesn’t live in constant fear of contracting the common cold. The heaviness is on its way. Kawhi Leonard achieved sublime beatitudo and still left. Marc Gasol is drunk off his many successes. Kyle Lowry is a losing streak away from being traded. Pascal Siakam is either going to play himself into being overpaid elsewhere, or play himself into being overpaid by you. Your coach is from Iowa, which means an impending natural regression to being average. A title has only validated Drake’sDrakeness. Your basketball future was mortgaged on Kawhi. It was worth it. But now it’s over. So kindly begin your descent into the darkness.

A prediction: Masai Ujiri trades nostalgia for a rebuild halfway through the season. 


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