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The toxic ex gets one more chance

Dwight Howard is future Hall of Famer, which is both indisputable and funny to think about.

It’s indisputable because he made five All-NBA first-teams in a row and won three Defensive Player of the Year awards, and funny because everyone seems to really, genuinely dislike this guy.

Howard signed a one-year, non-guaranteed deal with the Lakers on Friday after being bought out by Memphis, (technically his seventh team in four years), and the way the deal was reported was as if L.A. had just secured a deal with Ted Bundy.

The Lakers, through high-profile scoopsters, went into damage control right away:

“With caution.” “Cut him without cost.” “Keeps leverage.”

You know it’s bad when NFL verbiage is being used for an NBA player.

Translation: This guy’s a fucking drag, but we realllllllly don’t want Anthony Davis playing big minutes at center.

FYI: This tweet doubles as a note for a toxic ex-boyfriend or girlfriend. Let’s get back together for the ninth time, but if you don’t change, you’ll be waived.

And, hey, even if the ex still snaps wet towels in the locker room and says things like this, at least they shed some weight:

Do you think they sat with him in silence until he said the words “rock bottom,” like when Pam made Michael admit he wasn’t the Godfather?

Rob Pelinka: “Dwight, we need you to say it. Say you’ve hit rock bottom.”

Dwight: “I put up a double-double two sea…”

Pelinka: “Dwight, I’m so sorry….”


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