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So, Howard Schultz wants to run for president

Updated: Jan 30, 2019

Starbucks peddler and custom gift card connoisseur Howard Schultz made a Twitter account yesterday so he could terrorize the country with this little nugget: “I love our country, and I am seriously considering running for president as a centrist independent.”

In the Venti®-sized picture, this is mostly unremarkable, but it’s worth noting that Schultz owned the Seattle Supersonics for a hot minute there in the early-to-mid-2000s, and is the very reason the Supersonics no longer exist.

He guaranteed a title for the 2002 season when the 2002 Supersonics were not good; he replaced Christmas bonuses with Starbucks cards that had a value of $3.50; he tried to con the public into buying his new rich person-oriented stadium; and he sold the team to its current ownership, of which he halfheartedly made promise “to make a good-faith effort” to try and keep the team in Seattle.

Of course, they “tried” for a season then moved it to Oklahoma, which was the plan all along.

So, if Schultz wins the 2020 election, expect for Starbucks branding on the backdrop of his SOTU addresses, and for us to be owned by Canada before his second term.

[READ: Howard Schultz gave out $3.50 Starbucks gift cards: An insider's notes on the shabby death of the Seattle SuperSonics]


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